It was the second day of Gettysburg. July 2nd. Jeff Daniels, who also had a huge moustache, was left out on a big limb. He was given orders to hold the flank to the very last bullet. That’s scary. Ernie understood. He had a reoccurring dream that he had one of those bad beards that Tom Berenger sported at Gettysburg. He, as always, was contemplating the same big issue. Why was he only five foot –five and a half and white when all he wanted to do in life was dunk a basketball. He lit a cigarette. There was never a favorable wind in the dream. The beard went up in smoke and Ernie had to go to the Halloween party as Johnny Winter because he had no eyebrows.
Bad things happened in the Peach Orchard the second day of Gettysburg. A bad thing happened to Ernie once in a peach orchard, too. He was visiting his sister in the country and a gal took him on a picnic to her favorite. Well, Ernie told the girl her peaches sure looked good and could he possibly touch them to see if they were as ripe as they looked. That’s how we pick out good tomatoes up North. Well Honey, you’re in the South., she said, and these peaches are mine. All mine.
Jeff Daniel’s guys ran out of bullets the second day and went on the attack, driving the Rebels back. Ernie ran out of good lines. The Southern gal marched right through his lines. He went back to Chicago thinking history doesn’t always repeat itself. Unlike in his dream he didn’t have a bad beard to stroke as he drove along the road. Jeff Daniel’s guys were down to their last bullet. Ernie was down to his last brain cell.
July 2nd 2011.
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