Ernie Goes to the Country

      Ernie sat down at the Counter in a sad roadside cafe next to a sad man with a sad looking dog at his side.The man had a nervous twitch and the dog was full of ticks.Ernie overheard the man ask the waitress if she ever known any happy women."Ya on pay day," the waitress replied. The man muttered, " Damn," as the coffee spilled  out on his saucer.He then said," I once went to the beauty shop with my sister. She laughed the whole way up to the Bluff. She told Mabel to give her the complete works. She started looking real good,smiled and laughed the whole way home. She cooked a marvelous gourmet dinner for my brother-in- law, John. Candles gleamed, her face glowed and beamed and John called saying he was going to play poker with the boys because he'd had a bad day at the truck stop. Well , John got too drunk to drive home and crashed out on Joe's couch. Sis woke up the next day with her hair looking like a scarecrow's. A year later John filed for divorce claiming my sister had worn the same bib overalls for eleven months straight. The waitress shook her head and muttered "Damn," and asked the man if he wanted some apple pie.Ernie asked the waitress where the nearest tavern was.He drove to it, ordered a double Jack Daniels. Ernie muttered, " Damn," and thought to himself," it's the same in the country. Women are crazy because men are stupid."